Santa is the fucking man, let’s just get that out the way up front. Homie’s been perpetrating the largest, most complex logistical operation the world has ever seen for centuries at this point. Mad respect. And Dave, bless his heart, still believes. That’s right…Doctor Dave is a Santa Stan. But, and I repeat — BUT — don’t get Dave started on the myth of the Arctic Fox. Because Dave AIN’T HAVIN IT. For the love of Hans Gruber’s soul trapped in an advent calendar, tune in to this week’s POTM to get your head right. Happy holidays, all ye Meerkat Faithful (TM)!

I’m a big fan of thinking caps. In fact, I’m wearing mine right now. But hold up: For the next 32 minutes, Dave and Neil are inviting you to the brain siesta. Vamos! Tune out and turn on to the 1988 cult film, Young Einstein — the movie that thrust its budding star Yahoo Serious onto the international stage for a brief, shining moment. Is it the dumbest movie ever made about a genius? Probably. So throw back a few Vitamin Waters and pop this new podcast into your Walkman. Plus, Neil debuts a new original song inspired by this cinematic delight.

Raise your hands if you’ve ever been personally victimized by the Predator? If the Predator is from outer space why does it have human-like dreadlocks? (Oh my god, Dave, you can’t just ask people why they have human-like dreadlocks.)

Whether the Predator is hunting beefcakes in the South American rainforest, Danny Glover in a Los Angeles war-zone, or a Comanche princess who just wants to be a hunter, the Predator may not have ultimately won in these encounters, but they did steal our hearts. Join us as we discuss Predator, Predator 2, and Prey (ignoring the middle ones), speculate about Predator society, and listen to Neil serenade the space-hunting-sonsabitches.

To where did the Meerkats go? Have they been hibernating? Did they decamp to the Bermuda for tax avoidance reasons? Are they living the sweet life as anthropomorphic bagels in an alternate universe? Turns out they were just straight chilling for 5 months. But, rejoice! Our furry friends are back to talk about an odd couple of Criterion classics: the 1988 Martin Brest film “Midnight Run,” and Orson Welles’s brooding noir, “Touch of Evil.”

Do you know what hell sounds like? Is it the siren song of Sesame Street? Popular songs that have been whittled down to only the hooks? The playlist of a seven-year old? A Florida legislator reading the text of the “Don’t Say Gay” bill? One thing is for sure: this podcast is not what hell sounds like. It is quite nice. Join us as we discuss gender reveals, laugh at Francis Fukuyama, advocate for more dogs at work, and more.

In these dark days there is joy to be found. Joy…and Tes-love. We share our joy in the form of pitches for Hallmark Original romcoms centered around emergent Tesla features and advice to President Biden on how to defuse the Ukraine crisis. We also ask, are Juggalos a model for an inclusive, socially responsible society? Don’t deny the magnetism of the full-figured, polymath mouse Gadget Hackwrench. Listen to the Planet of the Meerkats.

The Super Bowl is again upon us! Our holiday of holidays, when a grip of grown-ass rich dudes in tight pants toss the old pig intestine around to see who takes home all the marbles. But Dave and Neil don’t give two hoots about what goes down on the gridiron, we’re here for purely aesthetic reasons: logos, helmets, and uniforms, baby. Who’s got the juice? Are the Rams the GOATs of branding, or can the Bengals claw their way into the Pinterest boards of our hearts? F*** around and find out!

Kids today are beset on all sides by D.A.N.G.E.R.: Drugs, Actresses named Zendaya, Needless animal sacrifice by P.O.T.U.S., Gay rappers, Explicit lyrics, and Roving bands of karate hooligans. Join us as we discuss Spotify, S.C.O.T.U.S., unmanly cats, people named Joe, and the state of kids today. As Socrates said, “Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers with random karate brawls.”

One day you’re just lounging on the couch, watching the 1977 animated version of The Hobbit, eating raw mushrooms from a brown paper bag. The next, you’re renting an apartment in a literal mossy cave and your roommate is a giant African land snail that’s always late on its rent. Folks, it’s a slippery slope into the goblincore lifestyle, because that slope is muddy as fuck and if you fall down you just keep sliding until you splash into the old troll’s pond, but watch out because he’s a mean-ass troll and he’ll turn you into a sheep if he catches you.

Language matters. Inclusion matters. But take even a marginal step to make the language of local ordinances more inclusive? Outrageous. Dave’s community of San Diego recently passed a policy that prohibits the use of gendered pronouns in the municipal code. The response to this was big and incensed. Dave and Neil jaw about crazy gendered local and state laws around the US that are still on the books, review some of the reactions to the SD policy, and discuss how transgender Americans have found themselves targeted by a host of new laws around the country. Join us as we talk about all this and more.